As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
