sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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