I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize