i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
