meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
