no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
