i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
