I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
