I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
