apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
