upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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