i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
farters have to be the big spoon...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
