Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
