My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize