Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
