dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
