Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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