Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are two peas in an std pod
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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