I must be too annoying 4 u.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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