Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
