There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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