i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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