ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
