no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
