yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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