We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
