I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
