it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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