My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
