I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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