Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
