According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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