It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Welp...herpes.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
