Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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