dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
