I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
