My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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