and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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