I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
