I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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