It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
