ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
