She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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