i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
