Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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