So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
