Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
