she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
accomplished twins. life is a go
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
