I just saw a hot homeless man
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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