You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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