1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
