Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
