Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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