I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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