I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
