Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
