What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
