I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
