I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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