that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
