I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
