you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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