Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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