Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
