I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
