Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
