We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
