If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
