Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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