I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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