when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
