**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize