Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
