she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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