Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
50% drunk capacity currently
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
