I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
