You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
