Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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